Some One's In Trouble!!

Cheese has been having a fun week. In addition to all of the stuff that has been going on around the house, Cheese learned a new trick. He learned that if he gets on the counter top he can open the cabinet up there. This wouldnt be a problem if there was boring stuff up there, but the cabinet is where the beans store the poison. you know...CHOCOLATE!!!

Well, Cheese got on the counter and was able to fish down a chocolate covered protien bar. Mommy heard the crinkling of the package but thought it was one of us playing with a toy. when she went into the kitchen she found this mess:

As if the half eaten chocolate bar wasnt bad enough, whoever did it walked around on some paperwork with messy paws! She looked around and Cheese was licking his chops and looking pretty guilty. Well, mommy put the protien bar in a baggie and put it in the cabinet (at this point she thought she had left it out and that it was her fault). She was keeping it just in case we had to run Cheese to the emergency vet - of course this happened after normal vet hours. A little while later she went back into the kitchen and the protien bar was back on the counter! Well, now she knew it wasnt her fault and that Cheese knew how to open the top cabinets.

Mommy kept an eye on cheese for a while and then went to bed at normal time. When she got up the next morning, there was the tube of hairball paste on the floor with numerous puncture holes in it. It was a brand new tube and it was the big one! Cheese had taken it off the kitchen counter, carried it to the steps and proceeded to eat it on the first landing. And when mommy tried to pick it up, it was stuck to the carpet. I have to say, I have never heard mommy say those words before! I wrote them down and am planning to look them up later.

For the next few days the beans had to keep making sure Cheese's booty was clean since the combination of the chocolate and all that hairball paste made him quite runny. And mommy was scooping the litter boxes, like, a squillion times a day...and we have 4 of them!!! Mommy says that the only good thing about this is that Cheese's booty was shaved last month (he gets infected anal glands) so he didnt have a whole lot of maintenece to do.

SSSHHHHH!!! Be Vewwy Vewwy Qwiet!

Ok, I have to make this quick. Mommy is in the other room doing 'stuff'. Things have been nutso here for almost a week! I dont know what to think! I dont know what is going on but we have been able to maintain a schedule! Ok, here is what has been happening...

• Monday - we got something called DirectTV.

I dunno know what that is about...I always thought that if the tv was in your house and was on it was direct. Anyway, we had a guy going in and out, and on all 3 floors of the house for almost 4 hours. that didnt bother me too much cause he wasn't crazy and didn't make a lot of noise. BUT THEN...

• While the DirectTV guy was at the house the biggest truck I have ever seen came to the cul-de-sac and started spilling stuff out of it's middle. Mommy looked out the door and said, "Good, the moving guys are here."

ummmmm...WHAT??? Moving guys??? No one cleared this with me!! Mommy scooped all of us up and put us in the bedroom and closed the door. Well, I ain't gonna lie, I was happy. I had my stuff with my smells and the door was closed so I felt safe. And to make things better, mommy bringed in some crunchies and water for all of us. The only thing that I didn't really appreciate was the TV guy kept coming in to look at the picture box.

After a lot of noise and voices it got quiet...eerily quiet...like the calm before a tornado quiet. Mommy came up and opened the bedroom door and the 3 goof balls ran out into the rest of the house. I ventured out slowly, like I didn't really care one way or another. Well, let me tell you...I was stunned by what I saw. There was furniture everywhere!! And not in the right places like it normally is. But that was fine as far as I am concerned because what was even worse was the smell!!! This stuff had other poodins smells on them!!!

Mommy was on the phone with Aunt Jackie and it turns out that grandma and grandpa moved to California and didn't need all the stuff that they had so they sent it to us. Well, I knew we had cousins at the grandma's house but other than when mommy and daddy went on vacashun I never smelled them.

We decided the best way to handle the whole situation was to divide and conquer. Cheese and Bumpers smelled the furniture and Autumn checked out the...TWO NEW KITTY CONDOS!!!! I took care of making sure everyone did their job properly. I am more of a management kitty. After about an hour the group reported back to me that while the stuff smelled like other poodins, there were none to be found. We also decided that it was going to take a few weeks before the stuff smelled like us.

• Wednesday - Mommy and daddy were gone ALL DAY.

Not a big deal, but mommy doesnt usually stay away for that long. After it got dark I started to wonder if she got lost. Not that I was too bothered...it wasnt feeding time yet.

• Thursday - it was the middle of nap time and mommy said the dreaded words: Oh good, the truck is here.

Man! will this never end???Now what was going on? I looked outside before scoping out the best hiding place (under the bed) and there was this big truck in the driveway. It wasn't as big as the last one but it was still pretty big. The guys were pulling the biggest box I have ever seen off of it. Then they brought it upstairs and ...RIGHT INTO THE BEDROOM. They were making so much noise that I bolted out of the room as fast as my paws could propel me. Mommy was helping them and the next thing I knew they were gone. Now I really didn't know what to think. I couldn't tell that they left anything. Something smelled different, but I couldn't figure out what. I decided that it wasnt that important after all and hopped up on the bed to resume my nap. I knew right away what was different! There was a new bed! I liked the old one just fine! No one ever consults me on this stuff.

Mommy said that it was a Tempurpedic bed and would be better for Daddy's back than the water bed. They ordered it 4 weeks ago but since they were putting it in the waterbed frame they had to special order a California King. Well, the bed got here but I am still waiting for the king. I just hope it isnt that creepy king that is on the TV that tries to sell burgers. He scares me.

As if that werent bad enough, every night the beans go out to something called a 'hot tub'. It came from the grandma's house and as soon as the electrician was finished they plugged it in and it worked fine. Now when they come in from outside at night they smell funny...like bleach a little. They get a shower after that and then crawl into bed. After their showers they smell normal again so it must not be too big of a deal, I just dont know what a bean does in a 'hot tub'. When I watch them from the window it looks to me like they are just sitting there. Sometimes the water looks like it is boiling. That scares me, what if they are really bean soup and they won't be able to open the cans of stinky goodness for us anymore. They dont seem worried though and they come back in after about an hour so I will just wait and see what happens. But in the meantime I am going to eat as much as I can just in case I have to go a few days without food if they do become Bean Soup.

Mommy has been moving furniture around to get it into the right places and has been doing lots of cleaning...Shhhh! Do you hear that...Crap, the mommy is coming. I gotta go...

The Importance of Eat-a-cake

Autumn has gotten behind in her correspondence. When she was very sick back in January the family sent all kinds of hopes and prayers and good wishes. Well she still hasnt sent out thank you notes for all the good vibes that helped her getted better.
She says that she means to send out the cards but she just cant find the time. I dont see what she has going on in her day. Here is how she spends her day:

Sit on the mommy

rassle practice with Cheese

sit on the man bean

stalk stuff

and then drink entirely too much at supper


Well the mommy bringed her some purrty cards to write out as thank you's. Would you believe she pawed through them looking for treats before sitting down on them?? I keep telling her, "Autumn Savannah," I says, "ya gots to be aware of eat-a-cake. It is proper manners to write thank you cards for when beans does nice stuff for you." She just looks at me and then goes to find Cheese. Emily Post, (the writer of many eat-a-cake books) would be apalled.

See what I have to live with. The Heathens!!

Yay Kukka

Kukka-Maria has been blogging for a whole year now. That is, like, 2,854,691 naps ago!!

In order to celebrate, she isnt having a party, but, like any proper poodin, she is accepting gifts.

This is what I gived her. I know it was supposed to be a collar for a bean, but I thought her fur would look so pretty next to it that I couldnt resist. I just hope she doesnt hold it against me and wears it anyway. It is supposed to get to her today. I maked sure that it was well purr-tected so that may be why it is a little late. I know that sometimes motorcades attract attention.

Tee Hee

Tee Hee!!!!! Mommy was doing the 'puttering' thing today. She says it is just like cleaning the house but in an unorganized, scattered way. She puttering in the sewing room today and We all gotted in the way!

She made the mistake of putting a blanket in the chair and when she turned around to look at something else I jumped on top of it and went to sleep. Ha Ha! Then she didnt want to move it!

Then Autumn went to sleep in the sunshine and mommy gotted a picture of that too cause she said Autumn almost never sleeps there.

When Mommy went in the other room to put something away she found Cheese. She figures there was too much going on in the Sewing room for him and he went to hide out in the study for a while.

And here is how Autumn spends her mornings. Mommy listens to the radio in the morning and does some kind of needlework or knitting and Autumn has to sit in the mommy's lap. Yesterday Cheese was already there and Autumn came over and SAT ON CHEESE!!

Surprise My Paw!!!!

Here are the surprises that the mommy bringed us back from va-ca-shun. I have to say, I am neither surprised nor pleased. This isnt the first time mommy has gone on va-ca-shun and bringed back a poodin. That is how Autumn Savannah came to live with us. AND THAT WAS BACK IN JANUARY. Isnt it a bit soon to be thinking about new poodins.

And as if this werent bad enough...they both like woofies!

I have been checking out the other sites to see if any other poodins have to tolerate this kind of behavior and I was really surprised that there are others in my same situation. And they seem to be doing rather well. I was really surprised that Derby, Zeus, Princess Mia and all the
other poodins with 'ramic siblings seem to be okay with sharing the house with them. Then I read that the 'ramic siblings dont get sick, get hairballs, or get to sleep with the mommy. Well, that is okay then.

I wont be as hard on them as I was planning on being, but I will be showing them who is boss around here. In the meantime I think it is best that we stay out of their reach while they explore the house.

PS. the reason Cheese isnt here is cause he cant get his pudgy bootie up on the high shelves. Ha Ha!!

Time to start practicing

Just because the Catolympics are over doesn't mean a kitty can rest for too long. Cheese and Autumn were so happy about their final standings in the Catolympics that they are already practicing for next year.






But I think Cheese really wants to win a medal next year. He started playing dirty. This move got him a minute in the Time Out Lap.









However, Autumn is no angel either. She actually tried to rassel with Cheese while he was in Time Out...













...which, in turn, got her a minute in the Time Out Lap.


I think we have a long way to go.

Purrty Flowers

Here are the silly flowers that mommy is so happy about. I think they are just flowers but mommy thinks they are something special. I dont see it.

Plus, this morning when the mommy went out to take these pictures she didn't even take us with her. She said that she was only going to be out there a minute,

but then she watered the plants in the front, did some pruning, checked out all the stuff in the beds, and, if that wasn't enough...she started weeding! I mean, she was out there for days and days!!

I knew it was bad when I got up in the kitchen window and started yelling at her and she didnt even look up. I know the window was closed, but as the mommy, she shoulda sensed that I was there yelling at her. All I could do was watch as green stuff - stuff that looked perfectly chewable - went flying everywhere.

Finally, after about a month, she came back in muttering about the
darn wild strawberries. Like I care about fruit. I wanted FOOD. She was a whole 10 minutes late with the stinky goodness. I thought I was going to have to find a way outside and catch some birds for my family...I know I could do it...as soon as I lose a little weight (baby fat) and grow my claws long again.

Note to Malcolm

This is an open letter to Malcolm. He holds a warm spot in the hearts of Poodins everywhere for his brave and selfless actions.

Litter training:

When the beans rescued Autumn Savannah she didn't know what the litter box was for either; she was used to humans but grew up on a farm so she always went outside.

When she got pneumonia the owners of the farm took her in at night since it was January but let her out in the morning so she usually held it until then. When the beans rescued her they kept her inside and let her sleep with them in the bed.

They didn't know what to do about the litter box. Autumn didn't seem to understand what it was for, but she was such a good kitty that she never went to the bathroom in the house. Mommy was afraid she would explode!! The first night that she was with my humans she started giving the mommy kisses until she woke up. Somehow mommy figured out that was her way of letting her know she needed to go out. Mommy put on a robe and took Autumn outside. Once outside, Autumn did her business. When she finished, she went and sat on the sidewalk next to the mommy. Mommy picked her up and they went back inside and back to the warm bed. Mommy thinks that is the most charming thing she has ever seen...a house trained kitty.

Well, that solved the problem of Autumn not blowing up, but she still needed to learn what a litter box was for. Mommy went out and got bunches of dead leaves from around the area where Autumn chose to do her business and put them on top of the litter in the box. Still no go (pardon the pun).

Finally, mommy fed Autumn a LOT of stinky goodness and waited. About an hour later Autumn started telling the mommy that she needed to go outside. Mommy just waited. Finally Autumn started scratching around in the corner of the room. Mommy snatched Autumn up and placed her in the litter box. Since Autumn was already 'committed' at that point, she went in the box. After that she understood and there has never been an accident since. In fact, even now when she goes outside with the mommy she doesnt do her business outside, she always goes in the litterboxes in the house.

Also, mommy fosters abandonded kittens. we call them the Tiny Ones since sometimes they are only a day or two old. When the right time comes, mommy puts a litter box over the area they have chosen to do their business. They usually sniff the litter a lot and then pee next to it. Ha ha. Everytime this happens mommy just picks them up and puts them in the litter box. If they make a doodle anywhere other than the litter box, she puts that in there so they will know where to do it next time. It is kind of instinctual for them to bury their waste to avoid predators finding out where they are so they figure it out pretty quickly. But dont be surprised if there is an accident from time to time, they forget where the box is sometimes.

This process can take up to a week so dont be discouraged if it doesnt happen right away. Mommy says that even though it takes some time to litter train the Tiny Ones, it is much harder to wean them.

I am so annoyed!

Mommy and Autumn went out this morning to weed the garden. Mommy was pulling weeds, Autumn was eating the ones mommy missed. I am starting to think Autumn isn't really a kitty. I am thinking she is more of a grass transport system. Shes eats grass outside and then brings it inside to throw it up.

While they were doing the gardening, mommy saw that her lilies were blooming. She was so happy over some silly flowers. The lilies are peach, and dark purple, and white with peach on them and they are all mixed together. I have to admit, they are pretty, but still, all I see is salad.

Mommy was sad before she left cause she thought that they would bloom while the beans were on vacation and she would never find out what colors they are. When mommy planted them last fall they were just little brown things but she knew she got all different kinds. She knew her lilies would be a surprise this year and was bummed about missing them.

When she got back, she saw that her SweetPeas were blooming at the mailbox, and that her Japanese Irises were finished blooming. But on the happy side, the lilies are just blooming now, the Gladiolas are getting ready to bloom and the grandma gave her about 100 more Irises. Apparently the grandma doesnt like irises and her new house has tons of irises all along the south side of her house. As soon as the rain stopped for a few minutes Mommy and Autumn went out to the side of the house and planted Irises all along the wall and the fenceposts. Mommy doesn't expect anything to happen with them until next year though. Good thing she has Glads on the fence posts, they would look pretty bare without the Glads. I wonder if the fenceposts are glad to have the Glads. Ha ha ha.

While the mommy was weeding she found a spot with lots of little feathers. She didn't see anything else, just lots of feathers. She thinks an outside kitty may have caught a bird and ate it.

I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD DO THAT!!!!

Why didn't any one tell me we could do that! What have I been missing out on all this time. I mean, I LOVE chicken so I am sure I would like bird. I mean, doesn't everything taste like chicken? I have been practicing on the moths that get close to the screen at night, I am pretty good. In fact, I would bet that I would be so good at it that I could support my whole family on the birds that I could catch.

Well, maybe just the kitties...

...well, ok, just me...

...ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! The only way I could survive on my hunting skills is if birds flew INTO MY MOUTH. And even then, I would need stinky goodness once a day. Sheesh.

Stoopid mommy and stoopid Autumn and their stoopid weeding and finding the stoopid little feathers.

I am all mad now.

I am going to go find something to shred to bits...wait, mommy cut my nails last night.

OH! WILL THE HORRORS NEVER END...

Mommy Came Back!!

The Beans came back the other day! I was so happy to see them that I forgot to ignore them. AND when they came back they took about 10 minutes and petted us and then fed us stinky goodness right away! I was so happy that right after I ate I fell asleep. And then, later, they came and slept with me. I gave mommy kisses in the middle of the night slept RIGHT ON HER NECK to tell her how happy I was.

The next morning, when I went downstairs, there was all this...stuff...Downstairs that smelled funny. It must have smelled like the woofie that they were staying with cause it sure didn't smell like our house. The beans went all the way to Missouri and Kansas for a couple of weeks. I don't know why they would want to go there, but mommy says that my grandmas live there. Well, I guess that is okay then.

Mommy said that she brought back some friends for us. I can only imagine what that means. The last time the beans went to Kansas they brought back Autumn Savannah. I don't think I need any more friends, I don't like the friends I have. I don't need new ones.

The Beans still have all their clothes in the suitcases. I wish they would hurry and unpack so I can play in the empty ones. Mommy keeps saying that she is getting to it, but she always seems to have something else to do instead. I cant seem to make her understand that I want to play in them, therefore she needs to do it now. Human Beans...They have been back 3 days and they are already getting on my last nerve. I think knocking something off the table will make me feel better. I'll let you know if it worked.

Woofie!!!

This is a picture of the Woofie that the beans are staying with. I just know that everything she brings home will smell like woofie. I can tell he is a needy dog. Needs food, needs water, needs petting, needs walks...you know...needy stuff.












I miss the beans. I mean I have Emily here to cater to my every need (at least mommy thought that far ahead) but I have needs too. I need to kiss the mommy and slobber all over her in the middle of the night. I mean, it isnt like she doesnt go back to sleep. Oh, and I need to yell at the mommy too. I get to do that a lot when she is home. Sometimes, just to annoy her, I will go down to the basement and yell and yell. She actually gets up and comes to find me to see what I am yelling about. Tee Hee. A couple of times I stood at the bottom of the stairs with a toy and when she came down she threw it for me.

Unfortunately, she is smarter than I give her credit for because she only came down and threw the toy for me twice before she caught on.

Mommy Called!!!

The mommy called. The beans went on vacation last Saturday and we have a babysitter. The Babysitter has been talking to the mommy but this morning I was able to get on the phone and discuss the staff situation with her.

The babysitter's name is Emily and she is living in my house until the Beans comes home. I have to say, no disrespect to the beans, but I think I am going to keep Emily. She plays with us much more than the mommy does. And Emily brings her friends to the house so I can have more people to pet me.

Mommy said that it was a long trip. They drove from Baltimore to Indianapolis the first day and then from Indianapolis to Springfield Missouri the second day. Mommy says it is too hot for her and that there isnt enough grass and trees. The grandma moved to Springfield this month cause she says it is better for her old bones. The other grandma is going to be there today. She is driving from Kansas to Springfield and will be there around 3 in the afternoon. So for 2 weeks the beans will have both sets of parents in the same house. Just thinking about it makes me get all poofy. I am glad I am here and all I have is Emily and her friends. I think they each have 8 hands cause I get scritches a lot from them. Mommy just tries to give me kisses.

DONE!!!

The beans finished the yard work! Finally! Here is the yard on the side that took up so much of mommy's time. (Time that could have been spent brushing me, I might add).

She was telling the man that it is finished just in time for them to go on vacation. And, if they weren't going to go on vacation then it will be too hot to use it anyway. Mommy says she can't wait till fall now so she can go sit in her garden.

I am glad all that is over.

Mommy was too tired to do anything 'cept groan about how tired she was. The daddy is injured so he can't do anything either! I swear - are you guys 80?!? - what's with all the griping about hard work. I work hard every day and you dont hear me complaining!

Do you think it is easy to look this good all the time? There is maintenence involved here! Stuff like getting you to brush me, getting you to pet me, getting you to give me kisses and snugglies. It isnt easy to motivate your lazy butts. I dont want to hear about how tired you are after doing all the yard work or working in an office with no air conditioning all day! And I certainly don't want to hear how the woman had to do so much homework her eyes crossed. Come On!!! You were home all day! How tired can you really be. SHEESH!!!

Snow!!!

I dont unnerstand! Somehow it snowed last night. Mommy has the cool air blowing through the floor cause it is hot out so I know it isnt supposed to snow. But when I looked outside there was snow on the ground! But it must have been smart snow cause it was only in the path.

She calls it 'Progress'

This is what the yard looked like before mommy got a bee in her tail...







And this is what has been going on in my yard in the past few days.































I thought she was just getting mulch but she had different plans. She didnt even clear them with me! I think it looks worse than when she started! She keeps saying it isnt finished yet and that when it is all done it will be a nice, inviting little space, but I gotta say...it looks BAD!!


She was telling the other bean that she ordered the Bee-strow set this morning. I think she pronounced it wrong. I think she meant 'Bee-Stow' set. I think that is where she is going to put that bee that is in her tail when it is done making her do lots of work.

She says that now she can start working on the other side of the house. She has been putting it off until she got one side situated but she cant work in the garden while the landscape artist is there so she might as well start on the other side. She doesnt want to get in his way and break his concentration. She is convinced he is an artist. I beg to differ...I dont see any pictures or any painting happening. I think all the sun has made her confused.

WOW, the mommy has been busy! She hasn't even wandered into the study to turn on the glowing box in almost a week! I keep trying to tell her that just because she is busy doesn't mean I don't have obligations to my fans, but all she hears is "meowmeowmeowmeow!"

Mommy has been getting the garden together. She says that now that the plants have started growing that she can figure out the pathway and where the bistro set is going to go. She finally got the front beds and the side garden mulched. I have to say that from my vantage point in the window, it all looks much better. I was starting to think it was looking kind of sloppy. I even told her that it couldn't look worse if there was a car on blocks in the front yard. Then I thought about it and started hoping she would put a car in the front yard. That would be a great place to play!

Yesterday she took the landscape artist with her and they gotted the rest of the stuff they needed to finish the side garden; Lots of bricks, some stepping stones, lots of white chipped marble for the walkway. It took almost 2 hours! They were going to start on it yesterday but as soon as they got everything unloaded it started to rain so they decided to just start on Saturday.

When mommy is stuck in the house she is painting. She finished all the big painting last summer but by the time she was done painting the formal dining room, the center hall, the foyer, and the living room she was sick of painting. She decided to put off painting the spindles on the stairway until she felt like painting again. She painted the spindles up to the first landing and then stopped for the day. It took 3 coats of paint - 2 primer and one color - to cover up the nasty beige that was there.

The last person who lived in the house liked the Shaker decor so everything was hunter green, beige and deep Burgundy. Mommy hates dark colors and has been spending the summers of the past 4 years painting a room here and there. Before they moved in, they had to paint the entire upstairs cause mommy said it was all a nasty brown color - even the ceilings! It took the beans a week to paint 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms since they were working at the same time. When they finally got moved in mommy spent the weekends painting the stairwell, that ceiling and the upstairs hallway. Now instead of brown they have pretty colors (in fact, mommy's study is lavender with hydrangea border!).

Another thing that the last owner did that mommy wished she hadn't was that she painted the wood. The kitchen cabinets were hunter green and the spindles on the stairs were ugly beige. When the kitchen and breakfast nook got painted mommy painted the cabinets white and they look much better. The last thing to get done is the spindles and mommy is a quarter of the way through with that (you didn't know I was a math kitty did you?)

I think the reason mommy is dragging her paws on the last little bit is that Autumn Savannah is a very curious kitty still. Mommy had been painting for a whole 2 minutes when Autumn ran through the paint pan. Mommy had to grab Autumn and clean her paws before Autumn could lick them, and when she was done with that, had to go clean the paint off the wood floors. Well by then the paint was dry and it took mommy some doin' to get it up. I just watched. I mean, it wasn't my paint.

Scandal at the CatOlympics!!!

I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this. I was hoping we could get through the CatOlympics without this being a problem. Unfortunately, the training schedule coupled with the stress of performing only exacerbated the problem. I was really hoping that I could get Cheese through this rough patch and then immediately after the CatOlympics get him into a treatment facility.

Cheese has a drinking problem

At first it wasn't bad. He was funny and passed out in odd places.

But after a while he started sleeping with strange kitties in order to support his habit. However, Cheese is neutered so all he did was sleep.

Finally, when he started getting paranoid I knew I had to take action.

He says that having to rassle Max drove him to drink; Max is his hero and the pressure was just too much. Cheese isn't going to pull out of the rassle but he needs to deal with this problem before it gets too late.

Wave to the nice kitties, Cheese.

Dear Magnificent Zeus

Please don't feel like you have to apologize for Isis. I wasn't offended at all. In fact, I kinda liked knowing there was another dilute tortie in the blogosphere. I was starting to think I was the only one with pink fur (mommy calls the color 'Fawn'). I welcome Isis' input.

Also, just because she is a little...Different...From the majority of poodins doesn't mean she is psycho. I mean, what kitty doesn't have little quirks? It is precisely these quirks that make us poodins. If we were all the same we would be...dogs. In fact, I have some things in common with Isis which I have included in my list of quirks:

• Who hasn't bitten her own foot while playing with another kitty?
• And I have chosen only one bean as mine (the mommy). Don't get me wrong, the other bean is good too, and when I hear him open a can of Stinky Goodness I can believe that I love him.
• There have been times when I see Mommy's hand come down to pet me and I squash myself almost flat on the floor to get away from it.
• I save most of my kisses for the middle of the night when I know they will be most appreciated.
• Who hasn't been spooked by another kitty entering the room unexpectedly?
• I too hate a bathtub full of water
• I run and hide when I see small sticky beans
• I barf all over the place when I eat beef in anything (dry and wet food)
• I wag my tail like a woofie
• My favorite toy is a duck

and...

Just because Isis is paranoid doesn't mean no one is after her.

Mommy says that loving a Tortie is like having a Hersheys chocolate bar with almonds...It is half sweet, half nuts. But, if you notice, a Hersheys bar with almonds is a top seller. There must be something about those nuts.

If Isis is as...unique...as you say however, I commend you for your patience and tolerance in the face of such personal hardship. It takes great character to be kind to those less fortunate than us perfect poodins. And...did it occur to you that perhaps she is smarter than you give her credit for and she is just getting back at you for stealing her toy?